Want to protect the shine and smoothness of your horns for up to 48 hours? Switch to new Necronomiconditioner, from the untrusted brand Dying Proof that you’ve come to know and despise. Want to look like you’re 485 again? Of course, we all do. Try their entire line of bat & body horror and horncare products to keep yourself looking immortally young. You’ll look so good that humans will be begging you to possess them.
Enriched with beta keratinoids that’ll enhance and sustain the luster of your horns for millennia to come, Necronomiconditioner is the only horncare product you’ll need for the rest of eternity. With a “conditional” (nyuk nyuk) full deathtime guarantee – if, for any reason you don’t absolutely hate it, we’ll keep your money for free. Have your credit card ready and seance now. Operators are burning by.